


In Passing

by TurtleMain



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Love, Family Bonding, Family Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-19 10:26:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18134537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TurtleMain/pseuds/TurtleMain
Summary: A collection of one-shots based on the RotTMNT universe.





	1. Unexpected

It was the _fwish_ of the curtain that woke Don up, oddly enough. Being an inventor, sleep was a commodity that he didn’t often voluntarily bother to get, but when he did sleep, he slept deeply and nothing woke him up until he was ready. Leo often said that he could probably sleep though the end of the world.

But tonight was different.

As if by the snap of someone magic, he was -- tired -- but awake, and not by any nightmare, but by whomever was visiting at--

Looking to his clock, he spots 2:34 in big, bright, digital numbers and he groans, hand rising to rub his tired eyes. No full reem sleep tonight due to the unexpected guest. He snaps his head over to the entrance and sees a small frame. Not Raph, no, Raph never did this. This left everyone else in his family. It wasn’t dad by the fact that he wouldn’t actually try to be quiet. When dad wanted something, he would burst in and demand it, but after Don had learned to retaliate by forcing certain channels on the TV as a consequence, Splinter had stopped coming to his room early in the morning when something broke (usually the TV).

Patience is a virtue, as said by so many.

Which left the 'guest' to be either Leo or Mikey.

Leo had a special ability of only showing up if something had happened, be it a nightmare, a project going wrong (though technically all his brothers would be aware at that point, if explosions had anything to say), or if Don refused to sleep for several days and his younger brother felt the need to stay up with him, threatening to not sleep until Don went to sleep himself. Leo was manipulative, but he meant well, most the time. By process of elimination, this left--  
  
“ _Michael._ ” Donatello groaned beneath his hands, beyond irritated by none other than the fact that he was awake. “What are you doing in my room at 2--” he checks the clock for accuracy, “--36 in the morning?” he snaps his gaze back to the inky blob standing near the doorway. Don didn’t have bad eyesight(though he should) but the darkness did nothing to help his vision. There’s a shuffling of feet at the door and his guest gently pulls the curtain closed leaving them to only the light of several whirring machines.

“Sorry…” his youngest brother says quietly, voice being stifled by the machinery that were responsible for keeping the temperature in check -- something Don installed himself. He hated the cold.

And he quite disliked siblings waking him up.

“Can’t whatever you need wait until tomorrow morning?” Don drops his arms to his side, attempting to keep his temper kept to a simmer. “If something broke in the bathroom, I already taught you how to fix that.” He closes his eyes, ready to fall back asleep as soon as his brother leaves.

Which would hopefully be soon.  
  
“It’s not that.” Mikey states, which causes Don’s brain to pause momentarily to come up with the answer to quickly resolve the issue. There was only one other thing that would cause Mikey to come into his room and he had forgotten about it due to how long ago the last time it happened.

“Did you have a nightmare?” He asks, opening his eyes and looking over to the brother-shaped shadow, partially glaring. He sees Mikey’s form nod (or he thinks so) and then Don groans and sits up, hand running over his head. “I thought we agreed that you were too old for this any more, Michael!” his tone is mildly heated, the effect of just being awoken. He was never good to be around after his sleep had been disturbed, which made him always wonder why Mikey came to him first when he had nightmares. Leo was better at comforting anyways. The youngest turtle shrinks from his elder brother’s tone.

“I know! But--” Mikey struggles to find a good reasoning, or so Don surmises, for him appearing in his room, “--I was scared!” he blurts out with a bit more volume than before.

“My open door policy ended when you turned 13, we both agreed that it was an acquitable age for you to start dealing with nightmares on your own! If I remember correctly, you were pretty adamant about that age being the time you ‘grew up’.” Don air-quoted. Not that his brother would actually seem them. He was not a morning person, he didn’t want to deal with this right now. Mikey seems to take it all in stride, because he doesn’t quite flinch from his brother’s tone of voice. Sometimes Don wishes that Mikey wouldn’t be so understanding.  
  
“I would have gone to Leo, but he’s sick. Raph is still recovering from that injury--”  
  
“ _Ug_ , Mikey--” Don drags his hands down his face.

“Please, Donnie?” the usually orange-banded turtle quietly begs. Don is half-tempted to walk Mikey back to his room and scold him, but then he hears his youngest brother sniffle and the shadowy form appearing to wipe his face. The second eldest brother’s shoulders fall.

Don hated when his brothers cried. Don wasn’t very expressive himself and had trouble really comforting any of his siblings. He was the least empathetic of his siblings, which was a blessing and a curse. For one, he didn’t have to always deal with the messy emotions when they were feeling bad - he felt sympathy for them, sometimes sure, but he had trouble empathizing. On the reverse side, Don had trouble being a healthy comforting presence for them during those times. He usually handed over his sibling to Raph or Leo in those cases, and very rarely, dad. But seeing tears, always made him anxious, he didn’t know how to act or what to say specifically. Most the time, he resorted to online articles.

But Mikey’s tears were the worst, despite how often he cried. Not that his brother’s fear of his nightmares were irrational, Don knew about how terrible his nightmares could be. He’d heard the gruesome details from past occasions. It was likely caused by how imaginative he was, but Don knew there was no way to completely understand his youngest brother’s mind and how it worked.

So here he was now faced with a dilemma; force Mikey to go to bed, because they had an agreement (Don was pretty sure it was in writing somewhere) or be swayed by invisible tears and be guilted into harboring his brother for the night. Sleep or potentially no sleep, because Mikey moved a lot in his sleep and was very cuddly and talkative. Many of the nights he shared with his brother ended up being restless because Mikey just wanted to be comforted and talk. The next day always required some sort of caffeinated beverage.

So Don lets out a sigh as he hears another sniffle.

Maybe Mikey was the most manipulative of the family?

“.... _Fine_ , Michael.” he over announciates to still express he isn’t exactly ok with this and then scoots over on his bed. Mikey calamors over to his bed then climbs in gingerly, shyly, a very un-Mikey-like thing to do. As soon as he’s on the bed, he remains on the very edge, a great gap of distance between them. Don raises an eyebrow. After several moments of silence, Mikey’s tense form deflates.

“I’m sorry.” his brother states. Don is silent and then sighs again.

“It’s... _fine_ . I know your nightmares are _unpleasant_.” Don states, finally getting over his initial grumpy awakened self, though his tone is no less irritated. A part of being Don; though his brother may have appealed to his sympathy, he would still be stubborn about his initial upsetness. He stares up at the ceiling of his room, slowly become drowsy again, but he feels a slight shifting from the otherside of the bed and directs his attention over to his youngest brother.

It was odd, generally Mikey would be very cuddly, start talking about his bad dream, and then turn the conversation to whatever was on his mind, but currently, he was being quiet. A quiet Mikey meant something was wrong, something that had to be asked about, rather than just wait for him to speak about it.

So now Don has an internal battle on what to do. His options was to open the metaphorical can of worms and then be forced to stay up all night to selflessly help ease his brother’s troubles.

 

_Or_

  
  
Don can, rightfully, ignore his brother who had just ignored the (most likely contractually obligated) fact they made a deal months ago that the open door policy was finally _closed_.

A hard decision, mainly because Don really wanted to sleep.

“Don?”

Ah, the decision was made for him.

  
“ _What_ , Michael?” he makes little attempt to hide his annoyance.

“If it came down to it, would you leave me behind if it meant you and the others were safe?”  
  
Now that wasn’t exactly what Don expected to hear. Not that he would ever admit anything like that ever - too much pride.

“Why are you asking me this?” Don inquiries with yet another long sigh, mentally grieving the sleep he would not get tonight.

“It was part of my dream.” Michelangelo states, back still turned. After that there was no elaboration on what the dream was or any chattering of any kind. Apparently Mikey wanted to be stubborn too.

“What exactly happened in your dream, Michael?” Don remains on his stomach, still comfortable in his current position, but his head rests in Mikey’s direction to watch the shadow of his brother move. He then heard sniffling and sees what could be Mikey curling up into himself.

Oh boy.

Don did not want to be dealing with this right now.

“We were fighting that one dude, the one that...created us.” His brother’s voice is muffled his his limbs.

“Baron Draxum.”  
  
“Yeah…” another silence settles between the two of them. “It didn’t go well.” Don wasn’t surprised by the news, “Raph told us we had to bail.” another pause, “When were running, I...slipped up.”

“Slipped up?” tone neutral, it really was implied to be a question.

“Yeah, the building we were fighting in was coming down and I got pinned.” Don can see Mikey hugging himself. “You guys came back for me.”  
  
“One would assume we would.” Don retorts, snorting gently, but apparently that’s the wrong thing to say, because Mikey whips around in seconds - wide teary eyes.

“You all died! The sheep horned dude caught you!” Mikey shouts, obviously distressed as his fingers dig into his biceps. “Next thing I knew, all of you were torn piece by piece in front of me. I looked you in the eyes and watched you die!” his face scrunches up at what Don assumes is the unpleasant imagery.

“Michael, it was just a dream.” Don sighs for the umpteenth time.

“I’ve had this dream every night for the past week.” Mikey mumbles quietly.

Ah.

No wonder Mikey was so upset.

“Every time you die because of me.” Mikey hides briefly behind his hands. “I hate it.”

One would suspect that.

“ _Donnie_ …”

Don hated the way Mikey said his name like that, it was a sign that his youngest was going to say something equally or more upsetting than what he was talking about earlier. It always made Don squirm internally. He reminded him about how fallible they all were.

“Can you promise me something, Donnie?”

Don didn’t quite like where this is going.

“Depends on what it is, Michael.” he stated in an even tone, contrast to the feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“You believe in impossible odds, right?”

“Well, yes, statistically speaking, some things are simply unlikely.” He spoke honestly, but with a touch more optimism than usual, simply because the topic was so grim and his brother was not very emotionally stable at the moment.

“Well, when you know that the odds are out of our favor and I slip up and fall behind...can you promise to leave me behind?”

Yeah, Don was not having any of this any longer.

He sits up and presses a button off to the side in one smooth motion. Some dim lights flicker on - his after-night lab light (Leo always laughed at the acronym and Don hadn’t thought of a better one so he stuck to the name). Working with bright overhead lights never was great for the eyes, so Don had special settings for the nights he couldn’t sleep, or just didn’t want to. But for now, he had to look his brother in the eyes for this.

“First of all, I don’t know how you would expect me to just convince both Leonard and Ralph to just...leave you behind. Because you know how those two _love_ to listen to my ideas.” He rolls his eyes,  “Second of all, I don’t know how you can ask that of me.” his voice carries a little bit of anger to it, just because he feels a bit pitted against. Mikey _would_ come to him with this type of question, because everyone knew that Don was the least ruled by emotion in the house. It made him angry, because he loves his brothers, he loves his family, he just doesn’t show it as loosely like the rest of his family.

Mikey apparently feels up to an argument, because immediately after Don says that, the youngest sits up and glares (albeit half-heartedly).

“You always talk about impossible odds! You always talk about how you’re a pessimist.” Mikey points an accusing finger at him. It was true, Don held no secret about his views of the world.

“And you’re apparently the optimist of the family, and yet you’re here asking me to leave you behind when things _seem_ impossible!” Donatello doesn’t back down. “When has that ever been a problem for you?!”  
  
“I hate it when any of you get hurt because of me!” Mikey shouts. “I hate the idea of you all--” His eyes dart away, “--dying because of me! I may be the youngest, but it doesn’t mean you all have to sacrifice everything because of me!”

“Michael, I don’t think anyone likes that idea of someone dying because of their own actions!” Don pinches the bridge between his eyes. “Did you eat sugar before going to bed every night for the past week?”

“This is serious, Don!” Mikey glares more firmly.

“Well I cannot take you seriously with a question like that! It’s 90 -- no -- 100% ridiculous!” Don gives his brother an exasperated look. “I’m not going to promise to leave you behind in the event the odds are against us!” Now Mikey’s glare is full blown, filled with determination, which only makes Don more concerned. It’s watching some sort of resolve settle into one’s thoughts that’s uneasy, the morbid but complete acceptance fill his youngest brother’s eyes.

“ _Then I’ll make sure you can’t save me._ ” Mikey’s voice is steady, maybe angry, maybe sad, but overall resolute, calm, and unyielding. It’s powerful, mature, and grown-up - something that Mikey doesn’t show often. It’s the solemn wave that runs over Don’s mind, his thirteen year old brother is growing up, but he feels no pride, he feels hollow.

It is such a grim promise.

It makes Don nauseous.

Don never had anything like Mikey’s creative imagination, but be could imagine holding the remains of the youngest. Suddenly, Don feels old but entirely too young. Mikey had the strength to protect himself, but he had the power to do the reverse as well. What would it be like to bury your thirteen year-old brother at only the age of fourteen? No one else would do it for his family, they would have do it themselves.

Where would they bury him?

Would they even bury him? Would he want that?

How would his brothers act? How would their father be? April?

Would orange still count as ‘life colors’ if Mikey was dead?

“ _Michelangelo!_ ” Don snaps, earning a flinch from his brother. He needed to yell, to clear himself of those thoughts - he already started planning for something that hadn’t even happened. The said brother shrinks from Donatello’s withering gaze. “That’s _enough!_ ” his tone is firm, a voice he hasn’t used in ages, not since all of them were small. The youngest tended to be the most obedient, a blessing when Raph and Don had to deal with Leo. Mikey’s stubborn glare remains, but it’s now mixed with tears. He hadn’t completely abandoned the idea, which scared Don the most.

The last thing he wanted was his brother to do something stupid when it could have been avoided if he had just let his brothers help him.

“Mikey…” Don drops the formal name, he rubs his temples, eyes closing, “Do you not trust us? Do you not trust me?”

“What? No! _I do!_ ”  
  
“Then why are you asking us to give up on you when things get tough?” Don’s hands drop back to his side and he looks back his brother, gaze unwavering.

“I’m not asking that, I’m asking you--”  
  
“Yes, I know, to give up when things seem impossible! But statistics, they are just estimates, things that seem impossible can only achieved with effort is put to achieve things!” Mikey’s stubbornness seems to ebb away slightly, his gaze lightening. “You know how much the odds have always been stacked against us? Always. You know how many times I’ve come across people across the internet saying something I’m working on something that can’t be done? Every time.” More tears stream from his brother’s eyes. “I live by statistics, I am a pessimist, but if there’s a chance to save you, no matter how small it may be, I’m always going to take it.”

For one, Don could never imagine the house without Mikey around. Not only would Raph be crushed, Leo would take it to heart as well. Ultimately, it would sweep them up into a long lasting depressive episode that would take years to fix. Raph would also become beyond over-bearing and Leo would react poorly to that response. Leo already dealt with depression, and Don would fear that he would resort to self-harm again as a way to resolve tumultuous feelings that were overwhelming, because despite Leo’s attitude, he cared too much. Leo’s behavior would become more erratic and he would push his family away. Raph would likely become more explosive out of self-disappointment and potentially self-hatred.

Then there was April.

She would be devastated. She was a big sister to them all, a long time part of the family. Don couldn’t imagine who would have to break the news to her. She might even think it’s an awful trick and get mad, but then the truth would hit her. April was strong, out of anyone in the family, she would probably do the best, but it wouldn’t be easy.

Then dad.

Truthfully, Don felt like he knew father the least. For the most part, he was detached, but Don did know he cared about them. There were memories of him being a father, even if they were distant. Don had a somewhat jaded veiw of their dad, mainly because he let the brother’s resolve their own problems and intervened rarely. He could be immature and foolish, but he meant well.

There’s a tidal wave of emotion that follows the tsunami of thoughts and Don squeezes his eyes shut before they snap open. He leans forward and presses his forehead against his brothers, looking him in the eyes. “I will _never_ give up on you.” Don’s voice trembles with emotion, “Do you understand? **_Never_ **.”

Because as much as Don was independent, he couldn’t truly live without his baby brother.

Mikey’s face scrunches up again, not in defiance, but in welling up emotions. He entraps his brother with his arms, hiding his face in Don’s shoulder, body convulsing as he bawls. Don gets over the shock of the hug (hugs always surprised him a bit) and wraps his arms around Mikey, just as strong. As far as affections go, Don was the least affectionate, but he did like it from time to time - though he would never admit that. As Don hugs him back, Mikey takes this as a sign to bury himself further into Don, body trembling with each sob.

While it’s not the most comfortable position, but Don is willing to sacrifice his comfort if it means it will keep his brother happy and not do something potential dumb should specific circumstances be met.The self-sacrificing hero trope was great as long as it didn’t apply to a real life brother. There wasn’t always need for a dramatic sacrifice.

After a while, Don tries to break away from his brother’s hold, only to find Mikey wasn’t going to let him go any time soon. Seeing at some point tonight, this was inevitable, Don resorts to just slowly laying back down, brother falling with him. He turns off the lights again and then looks to the digital clock nearby.

 

3:57am

 

Well, maybe he could manage to get some sleep. There was a small window of time for him to fall asleep and not have to deal with a talkative little brother. He gets as comfortable as he can, but he feels his brother’s grip loosen. Don looks down at the small turtle still entangled around him, wondering if Mikey had really fallen asleep that fast. He gets his answer when the speckled brother withdraws his arms and speaks.

“You always know what to say Don...how to make me feel safe...” Mikey mumbles, eyes lidded from obvious tiredness. The brainy brother felt pride and warmth spread in his chest, feeling silently touched by his brother’s admission. With that, he feels his youngest curl up beside him. Donatello remains quiet, to see if his brother will say anything else, but then hears the soft snoring.

It was strange, the fact that Mikey had been the first to fall asleep. Tonight had been full of a lot of oddities. Unexpected questions and Mikey being unexpected in general. He hoped it wouldn’t become a regular thing, but he knew better.

With all the bizarre events that had happened in the past few weeks alone, life would only get more unpredictable. Then Donatello had several thoughts cross his mind, a rather loud and intrusive one.

What if, at some point, they had a no win situation?

What if someone had to be left behind due to statistics?

Don felt the crushing responsibility to keep his brothers safe crash into his mind. He had previously tried to get them to change their tactics with fighting, but that didn’t turn out how he wanted it to. Each of his brothers were stubborn in their own right and they wouldn’t allow him to protect them the way he wanted to.

It was aggravating.

But even more so, it was terrifying.

Don looks to his brother and watches him sleep peacefully. After a week of recurring nightmares, it brought Don some semblance of peace knowing his brother was safe and now feeling better. And he feels the warmth from Mikey’s comment spread in his chest again. He never got a whole lot of positive reinforcement from his family, sometimes he wondered if they cared. However, one thing Mikey was good at was making him feel special, like he was more than just the rule-maker, rule enforcer, inventor, and fixer of the house.

Even if the affection did get to be over-the-top from time to time.

Don wraps an arm around his youngest brother and gives him a small peck on the forehead - a habit he had from childhood when Mikey spent the night after terrible nightmares. He doesn’t miss the happy sigh that follows from Don’s rare show of affection. Mikey had once said the effect of ‘Donffection’ was one of the best things in the world. Of course, Mikey had said that years ago, but Don still held onto it with his heart.

Yeah, there was no way Don would ever leave his brothers behind.

Especially that of the youngest.

 

\----

 

\- Bonus -

“Hey, Donnie, have you seen--” Leo pauses at the entrance to his elder brother’s room when he spots the two of them on the bed, snuggled together. He bites back a laugh, reducing it to a snicker and saunters quietly over to the turtle pile. Don is drooling, but is completely wrapped around Mikey, whom is curled up in a ball in Don’s chest. It was a messy looking tangle of limbs and drool, very ungraceful, and to Leo, the perfect opportunity to take photos to blackmail. “Well isn’t this the cutest thing I’ve seen?” Leo says in tone like he’s talking to two small children. With no response, Leo draws out his phone and snaps a quick few pics, one as a selfie with his brothers in the background. Twin telepathy activating, Don cracks open an eye and lazily looks up to the smug looking turtle. Seeing his predicament, Don switches to a glare, watching his brother cross his arms.

“You better not have taken any pictures.” Don deadpans.

“Aww, but you’re so cute! Bet your social will love it.”

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll delete those photos.”

But of course, Leo knew that wouldn’t be any fun, so he simply takes off out of his brother’s bedroom with his usual cackle.

“RAPH I HAVE THE BEST PHOTOS FOR THE WALL!”  
  
“LEO, I WILL STRANGLE YOU WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS!”


	2. Celebration of Life

“My son, are you ready?”

“Yeah, almost, dad!”

“Your cooking it looks very scrumptious.”

“Thanks dad, but it could be better. I may have messed up a little bit in all of them.” Mikey sighs, oven mittens being placed on the counter, alongside all the prepared food. The kitchen counter was piled high with many assorted foods. There was the usual ones; pizza rolls, pizza tacos, calzones, and several pizza dishes galore. Other non-pizza dishes included udon, soba, okonomiyaki, yakitori, gyoza, onigiri, tempura, miso, takoyaki, xiao long bao, and guan tang bao. Each dish was beautifully garnished and presented.

“I doubt it, orange.” the round rat mutant shakes his head. “Will yellow be here?”

“April? Yeah, maybe a little bit later. I haven’t checked my phone though, I’ve been cooking.” the orange-banded turtle squints as he picks up his phone, scaling down the brightness as he checks his phone. “Yeah,” he skims the text he received several hours ago, “She’ll be joining us a bit later. Has some family stuff - she says we can start without her.”

“Is that what you want?” Splinter leans towards Mikey, face neutral.

“Well…” he falls into thought, phone being placed back on the counter “Maybe we can start the traditional part of the celebration first. It’s pretty personal…” he rubs his arm idly, gazing at the food. “I have things to say to them. Things just for them.” He takes a moment to collect himself, smiling down at his dad. “The party can begin afterwards.”

“That sounds most excellent.” Splinter gives a nod. “I will help you bring in the offerings.” the small rat pulls out a stool from beside the fridge and then places it next to the counter, “Which is--”

“Oh, yeah!” Mikey, two thoughts ahead, he runs to the cupboard. “Where are they…” he mumbles, scouring the drawers in panic. “I know we have them! I remember taking them out!” His jaw stiffens, “Did I lose them? I swear--”

“Orange.”

“Of course I would lose them--”

“Orange.”

“That’s so typical of me, of course I would do this on this day!”

“Michelangelo.” Splinter’s admission of his name gathers his attention, halting him and causing him to spin around, wide-eyed, the prickling in his eyes being stopped for the moment. “If you are looking for the ornaments, they are on the counter.” he points to the small gold box. Mikey, in a blink, is at the box and takes a deep breath of relief when he sees the three unique pieces all there.

“Must have forgotten I put them here…” he laughs - a brief and anxious one. He takes each piece out gingerly, before placing them atop the correct pastry. Before picking up the plates, he ducks out of messy apron, haphazardly folding it and throwing it to the side. With each one color-coordinated, he picks two of the plates up. “I’ll take these two.”

“Then I will take this one.” Splinter graciously picks up the final plate. “And will we be coming back for anything else?”  
  
“Yeah! The pastries are the main ones, but then we have to separate out the other foods for them too.” Mikey leads the way to the living room. The usual scene of the recliner, TV, and cabinet was replaced with beautiful gold decorations, the recliner pushed back to the wall, and a small table, covered by embroidered cloth, lit candles, incense, and three photo frames. Before the table was a small drum and an elaborate zabuton, golden turtles sewn into the intricate design. Mikey carefully scoots some of the candles away from the photos and places each pastry down in front of the respective photo. Splinter places his own pastry down as well, minding the various gifts around the table.

It around twenty minutes to get the food all set up and presented exactly how he wants it and then there’s a pause where Mikey keeps a step back to look at the scene. Splinter follows his son’s lead and watches him carefully. For a moment, Mikey looks as though he may cry, but he shakes his head.

“I’ll get them.”

“If you wish.”

Once again, Mikey disappears. It takes a bit of time, but then he returns, three gold urns carefully hugged within his arms. Splinter moves over to help him, but Mikey shakes his head.

“I got them.” He states, and carefully edges each onto the table. He picks each one up and places them behind their individual photo, turning them to the exact angle they needed to be at. Once finished, still crouched before the table he takes in a deep breath and smiles. “I think we’re ready!” he announces.

“Then we will begin. I, as their father, will start.” Mikey moves out of the way and loves five feet back before he sits. Splinter takes up his son’s previous position and takes one of the candles already lit and lights a stick of incense before placing it back. He mutters some prayers in Japanese, eyes closed, keeping his back straight in respect. “Today, we honor those who have passed.” he begins, voice firm. “Today we celebrate the loved ones we have lost.” Mikey watches in silence as Splinter gently lifts the wooden stick and hits the drum. “Though they are no longer before us in the flesh, we celebrate their spirits and join them here today.” he hits the drum again before placing down the stick. He looks to photo of Raphael and takes a deep breath.

“Red.” He pauses, “Strong, courageous, and kind. I bestowed the color red to you due to your passion in every aspect of your life. Since you were small, you would put your spirit into everything you would do. As your father, I was always proud of your desire to help your brothers, help nurture and care for your brothers. I admired your strength of heart, facing your fears in order to help your family, to help animals, to help the city. I will never forget you coming to me and telling me you wanted nothing more than to be the best brother you could be for your younger siblings. You forever beared your heart before others and were never afraid to be yourself. Such you were, Raphael. Such as you are. I love you and thank you for being my son.” Splinter lightly taps the drum and then gazes to the next photo.

“Purple.” a smile adorns his face. “There is much to say, but no words to describe.” He chuckles to himself. “You have such heart, driven more than any I have met. Curious, brilliant, and determined - always taking on the next challenge you can find. I enjoyed every moment I had with you, even the punishments you would give me. I thought, as an elder, I knew most of everything, but you proved to me that there’s so much one can learn, so much I will never know. I am proud I had the opportunity to teach you what I knew, but the opportunity to watch you grow to the heights that I would never reach. Such as you were, Donatello. Such as you are. I love you and thank you for being my son.” once again, Splinter lightly hits the drum before him. He gazes at the final photo.

“Blue.” he bows his head. “You are cunning, a unique and eccentric individual. My baby blue,” he holds back tears, “Strong sense of duty to your family, strong sense of duty to yourself. You never let the harshness of life bring you down, the confidence you keep in yourself always brings me pride. You are mischievous and I will never forget the times you pranked your family - though at the time it brought us grievance, the memories now bring me joy. I will miss your presence and self-assuredness and the deep love you had for your family. For me. Such as you were, Leonardo. Such as you are. I love you and thank you for being my son.” he hits the drum one last time. Splinter takes a deep breath and bows deeply to the photos.

“I am lucky to have had you as my sons. Your presences have brought me more joy than anything else in this world has.” From his sleeves, he draws out three pieces of colored fabrics. He gently places each in front of the photos, each neatly folded. Mikey then bows his head. “Lou Jitsu is proud.” he whispers. For a moment, he lingers, but then rocks back to his feet. He turns to the youngest. Mikey stands up and exchanges seats with his father, picking up the wooden drumstick and taking a deep breath. He flicks his wrist, banging the instrument once.

He looks to his eldest brother, hyperfocusing on the smile Raph has in the photo. Raph looked so happy, but ready, to take on the day. There were so many memories, so many things he wanted to say, so many he still wanted to do with his brother.

“Raph, you always wanted to protect me, since I was small. You remember when you wouldn’t even let me jump from the stool in the kitchen? Dad is protective, but you were overprotective. I was always a little resentful of it, but it was just a part of who you are and I respect you for that.” Mikey laughs. “But I remember, there’s nothing that can stop you, you were the biggest and strongest of us all. I understand now that what you felt, the drive to protect. You taught me to be strong, how to stand up for the things I love. You were never ashamed or embarrassed of who you are, you taught me to be myself and love myself. I’m forever grateful for that. Thank you for everything you did for us, for yourself, and for me. Like dad said, red is a passionate color. It always represents you well.” he takes a deep breath, letting the sadness pass before moving to his next brother. Don was grinning his usual expression - confident, maybe a little smug, but there was an energy to it that couldn’t help but make Mikey smile back.

“Dee, you are always so reliable, you basically know everything and you helped us keep our heads above water. I didn’t always understand what you were talking about, but I was always was proud of you.” he stares at the photo a little longer, “I knew I could always come to you for anything and you were always there for me, trying to help me and us any way you could.” he pauses again, “I am sorry that I always cut you off and didn’t take the time to understand you better - I ask you to forgive me for that, but that’s ok if you don’t want to, or you’re not ready for it. I understand. One day, when I see you again, I can properly apologize. Thank you, Dee. You were one of the coolest dudes I knew.” He bangs the drum and looks to Leo’s picture. There was the most confident of them all, his closest sibling in age. He was casually grinning for the photo, looking relaxed.

“Leo.” Mikey forces himself to smile. “You always stood up for me, you always pushed me forward, even when Raph didn’t think I was ready. You showed me how to be confident and believe in myself as a kid. You also protected me from small stuff, like believing in ghosts. I know you never believed, but I still do, but I know you just wanted to look out for me, like always.” Mikey takes a deep breath, “I know you wanted to be everyone’s hero, but you were always mine - ever since we were little.” he bites his tongue and leans his head back, trying not to cry as he hits the drum.  
  
“Dad made this seem so easy.” Mikey quietly says, laughing under his breath. “We’re supposed to be celebrating your guys’ life, cherishing the time we had with you.” his head falls, “But...I still want more time with you guys.” a tear spills out. “You’re my brothers, I’ve known you for basically my entire life...but thirteen years…”

had it really been a year since they had passed? An entire year without them?

“it wasn’t enough!” he bows his head lower. He felt pathetic, not being able to keep himself together for their ceremony. He owed this to them. “I’m sorry...I’m so sorry.” he squeezes his eyes shut, trying to pretend like he isn’t crying his eyes out. “I w-want to honor your lives, but...if it wasn’t for me, you would all still be here!”

“It’s been a hard year. The hardest year of my life. I’ve missed you all so much, It’s been so hard trying to live without you around. I have trouble remembering to take care of myself. April and Dad help me out, but….” his words wobble from the sobs, “...it’ll never be the same without you all!” he hugs himself. “I miss you, every day, every minute, every second!” he presses his forehead to the floor, “ _I love you all so much!_ ” He feels a soft hand on his shoulder and Mikey immediately pulls Splinter into a hug, hiding his tears in his father’s fur. Thousands of memories assault his brain at once, but so does the looming knowledge that he can no longer make new ones with his brothers. His brothers could only remain photos and memories now.

“My son, I am sorry.” Splinter holds his youngest, and only, son. “If this is too much, we can stop.” Mikey shakes his head, pulling away from his father’s grasp.

“N-No.” He wipes his tears with his forearm, sniffling. “I have to do this.” He builds his resolve up. He takes a deep breath and then turns towards his brothers again. “I owe them this.” Mkey looks his brothers each in the eye, the room feeling colder than earlier. “It’s my fault they’re gone - I owe them this.” He feels his brother’s eyes on him, their gazes lingering from the photos. He picks up the wooden stick once more.

 

\----

 

Mikey jolts awake - eyes wide, tears flowing down his face. He rolls out of his hammock and onto the floor. It takes him a moment to realize it was just a dream - the second part of it, the part that felt the most real. He curls up on the floor, letting the cold floor chill his skin.

He needed to make sure this never happened, somehow.  
  
He peels himself off the floor and steadies himself on his feet.  
  
As if seeing his brothers die wasn't enough, participating in a funeral in his nightmare was just icing on the cake.

He needed to talk with someone.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A prequel of the first chapter.


End file.
